Okay, I have a problem.
A monkey on my back.
I am addicted to Diet Pepsi.
I don’t drink a lot of the stuff, but at around 1 or 2 in the afternoon, I can hear the Diet Pepsi calling to me from the downstairs refrigerator. “Patti, Patti!” it says, sweetly whispering at first, and then with a more insistent tone. All the way upstairs to my office in the loft.
(Sometimes it also tells me to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey or Project Runway. The voice of guilty pleasure, no doubt.)
Some time ago, in a fit of what-are-you-putting-into-your-body clarity, I gave up Diet Pepsi. Cold turkey. I replaced it’s sweet, fizzy goodness with home-brewed unsweetened ice tea (full of healthy antioxidants) or ice water with fresh lemon. I missed Diet Pepsi, and would very occasionally indulge when out at a restaurant, but I thought I had this thing licked.
Then in a weak moment – also known as a “sale at Wegman’s” — I stocked up.
Right back to Square One.
This is a very specific addiction. I cannot be tempted by inferior products, such as Diet Coke.
At a restaurant not too long ago, I asked our server whether they had Pepsi or Coca-Cola products. When she said “Coke” I ordered an AbsolutBloodyMary,SpicyPlease without even a moment’s hesitation. There are no substitutes.
I know there are unhealthier addictions. Crack cocaine, for example. This stuff is legal and doesn’t affect my ability to operate a motor vehicle, but it really bothers me how much joy I take in pouring a cold DP over a glass full of ice, feeling it’s carbonation tickling my nose, then taking in that first taste of sweet (yet sugar-free) caffeinated nectar.
A friend who has been underemployed recently applied for a position at PepsiCo locally. My first thought? Not the details of the position or how good PepsiCo’s benefits are. No. It was wondering if she would get an employee discount.
Help.