[I struggled with this title because it’s a little grammatically awkward. It was wisdom shared with me years ago by someone I can’t recall — as usual — and while it is credited to the Stoics conceptually, I’m sticking with the original, since it’s the mantra I hear in my head.]
The science is clear and the results are all around us.
We are addicted to our screens.
We are more ‘connected’ electronically and yet never more divided. Never more lonely as a society.
Humans were not designed to absorb the onslaught of information to which we are being subjected. We are not designed to be connected to so many other people.
Social media has us liking and sharing and often indulging in the commodity of outrage by arguing with one another, which is monetized with utter disregard for our mental health. Follow the money.
I’m right in the quagmire with the rest of you. Not leading from the front at all. Stuck in the trenches alongside you.
Doom-scrolling while I’m watching something on TV with my husband. I miss a line key to the plot.
Fact-checking a post to see if it’s AI-generated. I’m not lost on the irony that I’m using AI to check on whether something is AI. Yeah, weird, right?
Jumping in on a post to correct a fact that is just so utterly devoid of a shred of evidence. Because, as you know, only I can come in with my Magic Fairy Wand of Truth Telling and bestow it upon the masses.
Gawd, this is not my favorite version of me. Not by a longshot.
I notice the dance of algorithms and how quickly they adjust to a single click.
I think I’m clever when I get Facebook to show me more “Nate the Hoof Guy” videos and Josh Allen being, well, Josh. (Go Bills!) I found myself inundated with hip symmetry and strengthening videos when I saved a couple of reels to a workout folder.
I get annoyed when one scroll to read a political post gets me dozens more political posts.
For me, this stuff is like sugar.
I know the white stuff is bad for me. It makes me sluggish and cranky and looking for more.
But it is so tasty. So easy.
And if there’s one thing sugar has taught me is that — for me — there’s no ‘just a spoonful’ solution. [I admire, grudgingly, but admittedly with a bit of annoyance borne of envy, those of you who can nibble on a single cookie and move on.]
So kids, I’m going cold turkey.
I aim to pay attention to:
- A friend who texts me to check in or wants to get together or reaching out to one for same.
- Which birds are at the feeder.
- What pollinators are being attracted by the newest additions to my gardens.
- Whether Atticus is wearing his hooves perfectly symmetrically.
- How excited Tom is working on the shop we built for his retirement-car-restoration project.
- What I’ll cook for Thanksgiving this year, since at least some of my family has committed to making the trek. (Promising myself I will scale it back a little this year, and I know that I’m lying.)
- How to get my business to carry this would-like-to-retire human to that goal. [The economy/business climate has never been tougher, and I’m finding myself playing some 3D ninja chess to try to pivot to accommodate it. I’m no quitter, and besides, Tom and I had a deep laugh imagining me ‘getting a job.’ <Insert your own joke about me here.>]
- Whether I’m able to squat just a little deeper and a little longer with the TRX than I did the last time I worked out. (See above re: hip strengthening exercises.)
- Transplanting those houseplant cuttings I propagated in water weeks ago.
- Whether my fox squirrels or the crows are snatching the in-shell peanuts under the tree, and which behave more like they just robbed a bank as they head away with their prize
- Reading the books and magazines I never seem to have the bandwidth to sit with quietly these days.
Never fear, I’ll still stay informed.
I’m jealous of the people I know who “just don’t pay attention” to world events. Not sure if I have that aspiration, but damn if they don’t look younger than me. Less haggard.
I’ve determined that any news program starts repeating itself within 22 minutes. If I need a deep dive on a topic, or to cheerlead someone I hope I can vote for with great enthusiasm, a podcast while running errands is great for that.
A few weeks ago I got together with someone I hadn’t seen in several years, before my move to SC, someone much younger than me. She’d gotten off all social media. She said it was the best thing she’d ever done for her mental health.
Now that. That I aspire to.
I laid the groundwork. Removed the Facebook app from my phone.
My friend admitted she’d lost a few friends after giving up social media. They were no longer connected.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Were they really your friends then?”
Mostly I suspect Facebook will go on quite the same without me. I already have a circle of friends who are more inclined to text to check in, reach out, make plans. I’ll miss updates from friends and family and the endurance village that is so far flung.
I’ll just have to make an effort to see them or reach out to them In Real Life.
“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” (Marcus Aurelius)
Like most things I aspire to do, I suspect that I’ll flounder along imperfectly with the best of intentions, and eventually cave in to the social media equivalent of red velvet cake.
But that’s okay. “Just a bit better” counts too.